It was after that time that she realized she couldn't go so long without feeling as though a piece of her heart was tugging at the rest of her. Montréal wasn't just the place she was born and raised, but rather a part of her. Almost the whole of her family still resided in town, and the first home she'd ever bought was in the same town -- though far enough away that she wasn't exactly right next door to her family. That would have been a little much. Growing up, she'd always had the support of her family. Oddly enough, there wasn't even that much dysfunction in there. Oh, they had their tough times and surely got on each others' nerves far too much -- but overall they were the kind of family that supported and loved each other. Honestly, it was kind of disgusting.
Being smack in the middle of her four other siblings gave Colette a bit of that middle child syndrome, she supposed. There was some part of her that did indeed crave a lot of attention (queue theatre school) and frustration that mounted when she didn't feel as though she was being heard. Her placement within her family also taught her the art of patience -- when she actually allowed herself to learn that lesson. She wasn't so bold as to speak out unless she felt it was honestly needed, nor did she have much need in her to "rock the boat", as it were. She knew, sometimes too well, how to grin and bear it, always allow her empathy to win out over selfishness. Focus on someone else instead of herself.
Selfishness didn't suit her, and sometimes that was to her own detriment. She told herself now, that the way she felt was merely because she had been away for so long. Weeks turned into months with the rare trip home. Even trips back to the States or Canada were brief. Last year, she was finished with work by October; Home in time for Thanksgiving. She'd had time to recharge and rest, to get her bearings again before taking off halfway across the world for more blood and sweat pouring into her character. This year had not been so kind; particularly since the announcement that their episode order would double.
It was an embarrassment of riches, a huge blessing to be working on something she was so proud of (particularly after her last film bombed so horribly), and she had been so excited and gung-ho to dive right back in. But months away from the things and people she loved most had made her weary. It was a classic moment of feeling foolish for not being filled with joy over what her life was offering her.
In the end, it was a case of being homesick, and she knew that. But more than that, it was the lack of reprieve she felt in her own personal life. On set, she was ready to go -- always. She was excited to throw herself into a scene, even more so if it was the sort where she could work such choreographed steps and beat a sword into wooden shields. There was something deliciously cathartic in that. Her castmates were wonderful, truly a family in their own right who wrapped her up and kept her in better moods. So the problem came when she went to her home at the end of her nights, often bruised and exhausted -- when the emotional exhaustion would settle in with the physical. There were those she could reach out to, even one who she should feel less lonely because of, but she just didn't. Colette told herself she'd get over it -- it was the season, the cold, being gone from home for so long.
Counting down the days until winter hiatus and a plane would take her home to her loved ones ... that was the best thing to focus on now.